Continuous Gratitude

Looking at my dictionary’s definition of “prayer,” I came to realize I have been on a “prayer journey” throughout my life. My dictionary says that prayer is “a solemn request for help or an expression of thanks addressed to God or an object of worship.” My prayer journey began with the first part of that definition – asking for help. Over the years, it has slowly grown to include prayers of gratitude. And I am not sure where, or if, this journey will end.

As a child, I was taught to pray intercessory prayers before bed – to ask for help for myself, my family, my friends. We only said prayers of gratitude before dinner.

I was more accustomed to asking God for intercession. I would go to church services, and when we were asked to bow our heads and pray, I dutifully did so. But those were prayers composed by others; they were not prayers from my heart.

When I became convinced of Quakerism in 1972, things began to change. First came the new idea of holding others in the Light. Initially, I only did this when my meeting requested that we hold specific people in the Light. Gradually, the practice became wider for me as I began to hold all sorts of people in the Light, people I came across in my daily life. I would hold my clients and workmates in the Light while I walked from my car to my office and while walking into the prison where I worked as a psychologist for the inmates.

Later in my life came prayers of gratitude. I read the Apostle Paul as an adult. When I encountered, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances . . .” (1 Thessalonians 5:15-17), it was a new concept for me.

I began to thank God for good things that happened to me. I have a somewhat checkered past. I have not always acted within the bounds of the law. Despite my history, I was accepted into membership in Albuquerque Monthly Meeting. I was able to complete graduate school and do work that was not only personally satisfying, but also important and helpful to others.

I found myself feeling profoundly grateful for grace that I had been shown, feeling it deep in my heart. I felt it when I was hired for a new position in the State Hospital when I needed it. I still feel it when I see a beautiful sunset or my dog’s inquisitive eyes. I feel gratitude for waking up in the morning to a new day. At times, gratitude moves me to tears. Eventually, I started praying for and feeling grateful for things that I did not name – just offering prayers full of gratitude and grace.

I am currently practicing prayers of gratitude when bad things happen. This is a little more difficult for me. It means that I must take time out of my anger, grief, or disappointment, and offer up a prayer of gratitude for the issue that made me angry, sad, or disappointed. I believe that praying with gratitude in a difficult situation can help me better accept and deal with it, sometimes in novel ways. For example, I had invited a family member to live with me, and it proved to be more difficult than I had expected. I prayed for gratitude for the difficulty, and I was able to stand up for myself and feel good about taking care of my needs. The end result is that we are both happier. I haven’t quite mastered praying for gratitude in difficult situations yet, but I’m working on it – and I am grateful.

Deneen Crandell is a retired psychologist. She is a member of Colorado Springs Meeting and is currently the Clerk of the Meeting and Clerk of Ministry and Oversight. She also serves on the Ministry and Counsel and the Clerk Support Committees for Intermountain Yearly Meeting.