A key part of Early Quaker spirituality was concern for the moral life since silent worship not only revealed the Inner Light to them, but also their feet of clay, as illustrated by this famous quote from the first chapter of George Fox’s Journal (1694): “But oh, then did I see my troubles, trials and temptations more than I had ever done! As the light appeared, all appeared that is out of the light, darkness, death, temptation, the unrighteous, the ungodly; all was manifest and seen in the light. And then the spiritual discerning came into me, by which I did discern my own thoughts, groans and sighs, and what it was that did veil me, and what it was that did open me.”
In our own century, Patricia Loring makes a similar point: “Listening in the silence, we may hear precisely what is most painful for us. We become more aware of our wounds and brokenness, of our complicity and connivance with the very forces that have wounded us. In the undefended quiet, we may become aware – with immediacy – of motives, implications, and consequences of our actions, that have been concealed from us by the busyness of life, by the rationalizations of our conscious mind, by our efforts to maintain the face we present to the world.” Listening Spirituality, Vol II (2009)
Other religious groups that practice interior silence have similar encounters with the moral trials of their inner lives. For example, Buddhists engaged in meditation come face-to-face with their “greed, hatred, and delusion.” Christian hermit Evagrius Ponticus (345-399) identified the afflictive thoughts of gluttony, lust, avarice, envy, anger, apathy, vainglory and pride, to which he sometimes added judgmentalism and resentment, which were later transformed into the Seven Deadly Sins.
However, Friends today don’t seem to have much interest in the ethical challenges that have plagued humanity across the centuries and across cultures. Perhaps we are embarrassed to discuss moral failings or feel that we have more important problems to confront in the world out there, which dwarf the problems within us. Nonetheless, we continue to face three fundamental human predispositions that have remained unchanged throughout history: we seek pleasure, we value the opinions of others, and we judge. All three proclivities are universal, even natural, and hence are not necessarily immoral and certainly not “original sin.”
Pleasure-seeking: Because we have bodies subject to pleasure and pain, we naturally choose the pleasant over the unpleasant. Even the virtuous among us chooses food that is pleasurable over the opposite. But when our “appetites” overtake us to the point that we are harming others or ourselves, we have become ensnared by greed.
Approval-seeking: A healthy sense of self-worth is essential for our psychological well-being. Each of us has an ego, which is both a sense of self (“I, me, my”) and an awareness of how (we think) others perceive us. The Buddhist Pali tradition speaks of two internal guardians that restrain us from unethical action: hiri, which is self-respect, and ottappa, which is respect for others and fear of their disapproval. Unfortunately, too often, ego becomes obsessed with how others view and compare us, which on the one hand can lead to envy, anxiety, depression, or self-harm; and on the other hand can lead to inflated pride, arrogance, or hurtful behavior. Some even try to protect a fragile ego by refusing to admit to mistakes or wrongdoing, lying to cover up, or lashing out at perceived critics. Approval-seeking is transformed into egotism, which I redefine to include both low and exaggerated self-esteem.
Judging: To live well in the world, we need to practice discernment, which is a deliberate and thoughtful process. However, our natural inclination is to judge at the very same moment that we perceive. Thus, we react with snap value judgments to everyone and everything, viewing them as good or bad, beautiful or ugly, superior or inferior. Instead of discernment we have judgmentalism.
Greed, egotism, and judgmentalism are – in my estimation – the major propensities that make us susceptible to unethical speech and action. I believe hatred is not an independent source of unethical behavior but is derivative, arising when greed is thwarted, when ego feels disrespected or trampled upon, or when judgment turns to loathing. An important starting point for weakening our proclivities toward greed, egotism, and judgmentalism is to develop mindfulness or a capacity for self-monitoring. A daily practice of interior silence makes thoughts and intentions – whether positive or negative – easier to identify as they emerge. Such recognition is one early step on the path toward a new way of being.
Greed, egotism, and judgmentalism have also been the main causes of social injustice throughout history. The greed for ease and comfort has led small minorities to monopolize military and economic power so they could live off the toil of their fellow human beings. Karen Armstrong, one of the most respected scholars of comparative religion, said, “Before the development of our industrialized economy, all states and empires were based economically on agriculture and were maintained only by ruthless exploitation. . . in every agrarian society, a small aristocracy, together with its retainers, seized the surplus grown by their peasants . . . forcing ninety percent of the population to live at a subsistence level. No premodern civilisation ever found an exception to this pattern.” (The Lost Art of Scripture, 2020) Exploited populations extended beyond peasants to include slaves and today’s wage workers. Egotism and judgmentalism – combined with power – create conditions of oppression. We identify with our country, race, ethnicity, religion, political ideology, sexual orientation, etc., and invariably believe our group to be virtuous and superior. As seen throughout history, when powerful ego-identified groups demonize other groups as malevolent or subhuman, the results have been vicious persecution and even mass slaughter.
Greed, egotism, and judgmentalism are rooted in self-centeredness. What, then, could prompt someone to break free from self-centeredness and make efforts to benefit others? A prerequisite is a core of goodness. Another requirement is the conviction that other people have worth and dignity. The idea of the inherent worth and dignity of each person can be found everywhere, for example, in the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights. But what is the basis for asserting that all persons have inherent worth? Philosophy tells us we cannot logically derive values (like inherent worth) from facts. The idea of inherent worth and dignity is intellectually coherent only if it comes from a transcendent source.
This source in the Judeo-Christian tradition is the scriptural passage that tells us humans are made “in the image of God’’ (Genesis 1:27). Judaism teaches that humans possess at their core a modicum of the primary divine attribute of chesed, translated as loving-kindness or mercy. Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism all affirm that each person has an eternal soul. George Fox had the insight that all people have “that of God” within them. Mahayana Buddhism acknowledges that we are all endowed with Buddha-nature. Some Theravada Buddhists recognize the existence of an innately luminous mind (pabhassara citta in Pali) that is “unconditioned” and “deathless.” The Buddha himself said, “Were it not for this unborn, unmade, uncreated, there would be no release from the born, the made, the created.” The Buddha seemed to say that without innate goodness we would have neither desire nor ability to free ourselves from self-centeredness.
The goal of Judaism is to transform believers into holy people while they keep living fully in this world, so working on personal ethics is integral to Jewish spirituality. Over the centuries, teachings from various rabbis have blended into an ethical path called Mussar, which is an inspiring and pragmatic path, tailored to individual personalities. The publication in 2007 of Alan Morinis’ book Everyday Holiness: The Jewish Spiritual Path of Mussar has helped stimulate interest in this approach. The ethical path of Mussar doesn’t dwell on our weaknesses but emphasizes the cultivation of positive “soul traits” like patience and generosity, which we all possess to varying degrees. Soul traits are virtues in action. They concern the ways we treat others, not just what is in our hearts. Our ethical capacity is like a muscle that needs to be regularly exercised, which is helped by working with a study partner or in a group.
I believe three soul traits are foundational to positive human development: humility, compassion, and honor. Humility arises from the knowledge that we are fallible, while compassion and honor arise from the ability to see ourselves in other people. Other soul traits, like forgiveness, can be derived from the foundational three.
Humility: Mussar regards humility as our capacity for honest assessment of our strengths and weaknesses. It is the middle ground between self-importance and self-abasement. Humility doesn’t mean we allow ourselves to be pushed around; we need to know our worth and stand our ground. But humility is an antidote to pride and to craving for praise and fame.
Compassion: This is conventionally understood as a feeling of sympathy toward someone less fortunate than we are. From the Mussar perspective, the feeling of empathy comes after recognizing ourselves in the unfortunate person. This view of compassion is similar to the one enunciated by Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh – that compassion is not primarily a feeling, but rather a form of cognition in which – in our humility – we see ourselves in the misfortune or wrongdoing of another. Francis of Assissi, a man of the world before he became a saint, asked, “Can true humility and compassion exist in our words and eyes unless we know we too are capable of any act?” Thus, compassion for those who have wronged us has the potential to dispel hatred or wrath.
Honor: When we look through the eyes of compassion to see our precious selves in others, we naturally value and honor them. We honor others by striving to find goodness in them, judging them favorably, and giving them the benefit of the doubt. And we mustn’t forget to honor and act with compassion toward ourselves as we, too, have inherent worth.
Humility, compassion, and honor are antidotes to greed, egotism, and judgmentalism. They are essential for ethical living, including dealing with interpersonal conflict.
Some of life’s most intractable conflicts exist between significant others and close family members. John and Julie Gottman, who counsel couples on the verge of divorce, identified the four major causes of relationship breakdown as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (which could be passive-aggressive or defensive). From my perspective, criticism and contempt spring from judgmentalism, while defensiveness and stonewalling spring from egotism. These negative tendencies could be reduced by the conscious practice of humility, compassion, and honor. When seeking to resolve a conflict, we might (a) practice humility by recognizing that we ourselves are also blameworthy, (b) feel compassion for the other’s deficiencies by seeing some of their failings in ourselves, and (c) honor the other by allowing ourselves to appreciate all their positive traits.
Interpersonal conflict is hardly unknown among Friends, whose committee work in monthly, quarterly, and yearly meetings inevitably generates disagreements because we are all individuals with our own opinions. Although we do use time-tested Quaker processes to deal with disagreements, sometimes our differences can activate egocentric responses and judgments, generating irritation, dislike, and avoidance. Unresolved feelings adversely affect mutual regard, productivity, and communal cohesiveness.
I believe Quaker meetings would benefit if individual Friends paid more attention to the ethical dimensions of Quaker life. We would all do well to examine ourselves carefully “in the Light,” learn to monitor our thoughts, and weaken our negative proclivities while strengthening our positive soul traits, thus reviving the long-standing Quaker concern for the moral challenges of daily living.
by Kean O. Yeoh
Alone in nature in bare awareness
Taking nothing for granted
Thus seeing with fresh eyes
I marvel at the wonder of earth and sky
But looking back at myself
I marvel that I could marvel
Amazed that this “I” is truly alive
In the flesh in this cosmos
Astonished to find my existence, all existence
Contingent and bewildering and miraculous
I am filled with gratitude
For life, consciousness, and countless gifts of grace
Trust in the inherent goodness of the universe
Reverence for the source and ground of being
The infinite, ineffable mystery, G-d
As embodied individuals on this planet
Subject to pleasure and pain
We follow our bliss and conscience
Recognizing negative and egocentric thoughts
Noticing that as I perceive I judge
I bear witness to my mind
Blessed are the merciful
For they show much kindness and generosity
Blessed are the pure of heart
For they seek eternal truths and justice for all
Blessed are the poor in spirit
For they let go of the things of the world
Blessed are the meek
For they practice self-surrender
Yielding to unknowing
Wide open to the sacred
Since retiring from teaching high school history and social science five years ago, Kean O. Yeoh has been working on an ebook entitled Awakening to Life as a Miracle: An Experiential Path for an Atheistic Age. He attends Sacramento Friends Meeting (PacYM).