My first job as a Physician Assistant was in the clinic of a midwestern women’s prison. After asking a couple women what landed them there, I realized the question distracted from our interaction. Even so, while working with all sorts of people in prisons and jails over the years, sometimes I have had to discern whether I’m being conned. This is an extension of my medical practice in the wider society, as the people who come seeking pain relief also come with different levels of pain tolerance and different reasons for seeking correction of “not normal.” My concern about being conned could be seen as an aspect of determining guilt, but it is also a recognition that all of us communicate variably, and we don’t always act with integrity, even when we try to.
I have committed my share of emotion-triggered offenses against people I love. Reflection in prayer has made me realize “there but for the grace of God go I.” Being raised middle class with white privilege and a college education has given me definite advantages in keeping out of jail and prison.
Over the last twenty-five years, I have been focusing more on connecting with “that of God” in each. This perspective allows one to “come alongside” in support of another. It is a practice of “power with” rather than “power over.” It is a practice of focusing on the positive rather than “guilt.” We know that focusing on the negative makes the negative stronger – this makes it even more important to focus on the positive with intention.
As I approached retirement, I was led to become a facilitator in the Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP), a program to help participants resolve conflicts nonviolently. Developed with significant input from Quakers, AVP practices empathy, respect for all, and taking responsibility for one’s own actions and reactions. These are all aspects of seeing and seeking “that of God” in everyone.
During the pandemic, when we were not able to hold AVP workshops in prisons or jails, some of us worked in jails with people individually, using the methods of non-violent communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg. These were people being held in jail while they awaited their trials or guilty pleas. It was at this time that I realized most people in jail are too busy trying to claim innocence or make a plea deal to really take responsibility for their actions, much less try to improve their communication skills. It was a good reminder to me to practice meeting people where they are in their healing process.
In the prison where I currently volunteer, by the time participants come to AVP, most or them have at least partially taken responsibility for the actions that landed them in prison. They seem ready to commit to “bettering themselves,” to practicing self-affirmation and respect for self and others. They are ready to learn communication skills in which we acknowledge ways that our history, values, and beliefs drive our emotions – and thus, drive our words and actions. Practicing these skills helps us heal our trauma and allows us to more easily “trust the [AVP] process” (which for me is trusting God) and “expect the best,” which are two keys to the AVP perspective. All together, these components set us up to creatively solve conflicts nonviolently. I still don’t ask AVP participants what landed them in prison, although sometimes as part of their process, it does come up – often as they speak about their desire to make amends. I just listen.
I am not particularly concerned with determining guilt. I leave that to the criminal justice system. In my interactions with people in prison, as in general society, I find that guilt and innocence are just shades of gray for all of us. I don’t focus on guilt or innocence but look instead for “that of God” and focus on our shared humanity. ~~~
June Thomasson is a member of Eastside Friends Meeting in Seattle, Washington (NPYM).