Alice Gayley Stone Howard, best known as Gay Howard died in Los Osos, CA at the age of 94. She was the only child of Emma Skillman Stone and Hosmer Ward Stone, professor of Chemistry at UCLA. She grew up in Santa Monica, California and spent many summers packing in the Sierra Mountains with her parents. After graduating from University High School in LA she went to UCLA for a semester where she studied chemistry. She then went on to study botany at Swarthmore College in Pennsylvania where she met her husband-to-be Louis N. Howard. They married on September 8, 1951.
She graduated from Swarthmore in 1950, continuing her studies in the fall at the
University of Wisconsin where she received her Master’s degree in June 1951. Gay transferred to Rutgers University to continue her doctoral work. She graduated from Rutgers with a Ph.D. in plant physiology in 1954.
In the late 1950’s they moved to the Boston area. In 1957 their first child Astrid was born. They had a second child Erik born in 1960, he died shortly after birth. Daughter Emily was born in 1961, son (Frederick) Max was born in 1966 and daughter Holly was born in 1968. It was while she was at Swarthmore that Gay began to attend Quaker meeting. This began a lifelong connection with Quakers and wherever she went she would seek out the Quaker meeting for spiritual support. When she and her husband moved to the Boston area, she began attending the Friends Meeting at Cambridge, becoming a member in the 1970’s. All her children attended with her through the 1960’s and 1970’s. From 1978-1981 she taught science at the Cambridge Friends School. In 1981 Gay, Louis, and the two younger children moved to Tallahassee, Florida. She worked in a research lab at Florida State University for the next twenty years.
After the move to Tallahassee, she immediately joined the small Quaker worship group. Gay and others nurtured this worship group until it became a monthly meeting in the early 1990s where upon she transferred her membership. In the 1990s and early 2000s she served on several committees and as clerk for Tallahassee Meeting and then for Southeastern Yearly Meeting.
She moved to Los Osos, CA in 2005 and transferred her membership to the Central Coast Friends Meeting (San Luis Obispo). She became involved in the Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP) and facilitated AVP at the California Men’s Colony (San Luis Obispo) for many years. Gay worked hard advocating for AVP both locally and internationally.
During the 2000’s Gay was also very involved with Friends Peace Teams and was an integral part of Asia West Pacific Friends Peace Teams until the beginning of 2023. Finding resolution to conflicts in war zones all over the world was a deep passion. Working with several different committees and different positions within Friends Peace Teams she grew in her compassion and understanding of the corporate body. Within her own Meeting Gay was very involved not just with committee work but also with eldering, nurturing vocal ministry, and supporting the corporate body. She also enjoyed participating in worship-sharing and Bible study.
Gay embraced human diversity, particularly religious and spiritual, publicly supporting LGBTQ+ rights from the early 1980’s. Books, classical music, theater, yoga, a daily walk outside, gardening, and contemplative Quaker worship sustained her for many years. Gay participated in book clubs, always sharing and learning. Having played the oboe in high school and college she loved attending concerts and live theater. Gay loved being outside to see the plants growing, to see what had started flowering or sending up new shoots. She loved to talk to the people she met as she walked. She was passionately interested in the world and how we could live better together and with the natural world.
Gay is celebrated by her children Holly Björklund and her husband Shawn, Max Carr-Howard and his wife Kim Carr-Howard, Emily Howard and her wife Christine Klopfer, and Astrid Howard & her partner Athamis Bárbara de Souza Barbosa. She is adored and remembered by her grandchildren Taylor and Logan Carr-Howard, Bella Björklund, step-grandchildren Kate Phillips, Paul Phillips and his wife Melissa, and great-granddaughters Penny and Melody Phillips.
Gay is also celebrated by so many friends around the country & the world.