Doubt

I don’t know if you are real
and I don’t want to be fooled
anymore, letting myself be born
into beliefs that are both wrong
and profoundly harmful – two-edged
sword slicing my insides
as it tears stranger into enemy.

I feel silly in ways
I didn’t as a kid,
writing to  you
this time unsure.

Oh, Apparition!
I sit, head in hands,
Struggling with the personhood of God.

A couple of years ago, I traveled to York, England, for a conference. I realized that the Quaker heritage sites that I had always wanted to see were not too far from there.